2010 Finds Me

I sit with my computer on my lap desperately seeking the words with which to reengage with this blog and kick off 2010 with a thought or two.  It could be easier to simply set the computer down and wait for a moment of inspiration but sometimes it is in the emptiness, when the mind is not full of great ideas and wise words, that true wisdom comes forth in it’s raw and ungarnished form.  It is 2:00 am in Southern California as I write this and it seems to be the perfect time to unleash raw thoughts.

Lately the blog has received some action from readers, which is sad in a way because there have not been any new entries for a while.  I had planned to start a short series on four aspects of leadership; individuals, teams, conflict, and fear but was distracted by life before I could move very far into that project.  During my free time I worked on a small project I entitled my “one thought” project where I wrote a number of leaders from around the world and asked them for one thought, or word of wisdom, that they would offer to a young leader.  I received a few responses, although I was disappointed when my letter arrived indicating that the Queen of England was not going to reply.  My time has been occupied with studies toward an MA in psychology, learning to play the fiddle, teaching in the pre-school ministry program at my church, working in a 24/7 live-in position, trying to gain an understanding of stock market investing, and becoming an expert at the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters ride at Disneyland in Anaheim.

What hasn’t been occupying my time this past couple years is what should have been the priority above all else; my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I was reading through some of my old papers from my graduate studies and there is a clear transition where I went from an individual who was seeking to know more about God each day and excited to write about that process to an individual who assumed he had God figured out and was bothered by having to study and write about it.

In reading through those papers I came to the awareness that the lack I had felt in my spiritual life over the past 6 years was because along the way I stopped asking the Lord to open the eyes of my heart to learn more about Him each day.  I ceased asking that He take away my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh that I would follow Him well and instead I started assuming that I could lead out of my own wisdom and make the right decisions without seeking his counsel.

Basically, I stopped believing that God was more amazing than I could imagine and that in seeking to know Him I would never reach the end of the depths of who He is and what He offers.

This entry has been a little bit of a ramble and for that I apologize.  The purpose behind it was simply to let you know where I have been and briefly bring you up to speed on where I am at.  For those of you who check in regularly, I will attempt to be a little more regular in posting entries to this blog and, more importantly, I will attempt to bring more of the Lord and less of myself to the thoughts that I share.

In His Service,